


A Growing Certainty Of Over

by Katia_chan



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: 128 spoilers, Astrid and Caleb say they don't love each other, Fixing trauma by reintroducing trauma is not the way to go, Gen, and whoever it is it's super messed up love anyways so it doesn't totally count, but also Astrid is screwing the patriarchy here lately and I'm all for it, but at least one of them is lying, even though I'm not sure which, implied minor npc death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-12
Updated: 2021-03-12
Packaged: 2021-03-19 04:47:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,085
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29994102
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Katia_chan/pseuds/Katia_chan
Summary: She's learning the hard way that intentions count for absolutely nothing. A look at the tower scene from Astrid's perspective. Spoilers for the end of 128, because I will write fics about that five minutes until the end of time.
Comments: 1
Kudos: 24





	A Growing Certainty Of Over

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this yesterday, and edited it during the break of tonight's episode to try to keep myself from having an absolute stroke. So if I missed anything, blame Mercer. Also this can loosely? be read as a companion to the last fic I posted, but only because it's the same moment. I just... guys it was just so intense I have to keep writing about it. And I love Astrid's complexity so much.

The goblin's body topples to the floor as the door bursts open, a hole still sizzling in his suit jacket. But Astrid hardly spares a glance as she leaps over him. One look is enough to show her there's no one in the open and empty sitting room, and anyway Bren wouldn't stay down here right in front of the door. They were both raised better than that. He will go up. So she goes up.

Up one floor, then two. She's in fantastic shape, and yet her lungs burn as she reaches the next bend, and then the next. She has to reach him; it has to be her. She hears Eadwulf's heavy steps behind her. She knows he's frightened, can hear it in the slap of his boots on stone. The fear isn't for Bren, but for her, because they drank and waited in the Lavish Chateau instead of apprehending Bren like they should have. She knows he can't understand her behavior, these past few days. Hell, she doesn't understand herself, doesn't understand why she sent 'Caleb Widogast' on that fool's errand but then stepped in at the last moment to give him precious seconds to run from Trent yet again.

She has to get there first.

They are not quiet. She can hear them two staircase turns away, screaming at each other, about someone named Luc and a dragon and a fun ball and fire, and she doesn't know what any of it means, just that it's loud and she could scream at them for not even trying to hide, for not making her job hard enough to save their own lives. And she will do her job. Not because it's right, but because if Bren keeps running eventually he will be caught, and maybe she won't be there when it happens, and someone else will hurt him. She might hurt him too but she's pretty sure she can do it without making it permanent. And maybe, a treacherous voice has not stopped whispering since that night more than a decade ago, maybe if she can get him back things can go back to how they were before. Maybe there is still enough of Bren left under Caleb Widogast, and they can be how they used to be. It's much more sentiment than she can afford, but it is the only comfortable place she's found between the Scourger and the woman, so she has to hold to it and keep running up the stairs.

One more flight. Eadwulf's boots still pound, though further behind her. And Trent's voice, raised in ire and triumph echoes in her head or up the passage she can't really tell. But he's still downstairs thank god he's not coming up with them, at least for now. She has a few seconds to do this in the most merciful way she can. There won't be any accidents, and she can maybe even let Bren's friends run, except for the hafling and the blue one... they were in the tower. There isn't any hope for them. But Bren... she can still fix this, she can... she will. He'll understand, eventually, with time.

There is an abrupt drop in sound as she leaps up the final few steps, and now only a few strident voices, and the shaking sobs of a woman, which Astrid doesn't recognize (she has to touch her own face to make sure they aren't hers. Dry. Good.).

Bren is in the middle of casting a spell when she shoves open the door, and she has so much to say, but her heart is pounding so hard that she can't breathe. Time. She needs time. He's holding a tuning fork, and if he leaves this is all over. She has to stop him, to do her job and try to salvage this. The crowd in the room is smaller than it should be. A man clutches the hand of a small boy who stares at her in wide-eyed confusion and fear. The Ruby of the Sea shivers, hand held by the soft man who'd upset Wulf so much at dinner. Good. Fewer of them to handle, fewer things to take care of to give her time to explain to Bren why this is foolish and he needs to stop and come with them.

It's Bren's eyes, that stop her, even as she raises her hand to counterspell what he's about to do. She expected him to be afraid; he would be foolish not to be. But he's looking at her like he used to look at Trent, when they were younger and had been through much less. He's not crying, but he will be, soon. He's afraid, of her. He's grown, with a beard and lines in his face and so much power, and he's afraid of her. His familiar eyes are staring at her as if she will step forward and slice his flesh and push crystals into his bleeding arms until he screams, like she will give him no mercy and push him until he can do nothing but weep. She was always the one to hold him, after those nights, and he held her when it had been her turn. But now she is the storm, not the aftermath. His eyes are pleading with her not to hurt him - not to hurt them, she realizes - and at the same time something is closing behind them, shutting her out. She can hurt him, and he's making sure she can only do it physically, going away to where she'll never be able to touch him, closing the door to the refuge they'd always shared.

Her hand falls.

He disappears.

She would fall, but Eadwulf collides with her from behind, propping her up for the half a second it takes her to suck in a breath and regain command over her legs. She looks up at him, and she knows that he sees her anguish, in the breath before she closes off her expression, and that it tells him everything. He meets her eyes with grief of his own, because they both know she's a dead woman, now. The execution's done, the blow just hasn't been struck yet. She's failed, and Trent knows her well enough to know that she didn't fail by accident. She doesn't do that.

She allows herself one quick, hard sob, before she straightens. She is a daughter of the empire, and she will face her fate the only way she knows how.

**Author's Note:**

> I need to know what Matt is going to do with Astrid, because I just feel like she has an even bigger role to play, and I still don't know if it will be a good or a bad one. Also I really hope I'm wrong and that Wentsworth is totally fine and that the assembly was super respectful and just pushed him over. This was just... what seemed like a very likely scenario to me. But I hope you all liked. If you want to freak out about this episode, or any episode for that matter, you can find me in the comments. :) I'm always game for a good-old-spaz. Thanks for reading!


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